Today was really tough on my body. Not that the past few weeks have been easy, but just when I thought I was getting better, today was awful.
I struggled to wake up for a 930AM call, and promptly went back to bed at 11AM after, followed by fatigue and an overall terrible mood throughout the day. I’ve been taking the doctor’s advice and leaving the house every day – so I went to a cafe to take a call, journal for a bit, and walk. But after about 15 minutes of walking on flat ground, my body was so tired that I had to go home.
After struggling to push down my nausea by finishing my food, I broke down in front of my mother. I hate breaking down, but it’s been weeks of discomfort and no answers.
My mother shared that during her time in London, she went through what I was going through – crying all the time, wanting to leave London, fatigue, (though she never dared to name it) depression, sleep deprivation, nausea etc. And she said she went through all of that again when she had her 3 children.
But what kept her going was that she knew she had a purpose.
In London, her purpose was to become a nurse so she could earn money for a better life. When she had children, she pushed through the pain for her children daily.
I wish I had a revelation of ‘oh that’s why I’m going through all this crap’, but I don’t. All I have is this prayer, and the small victory of my eyes being so tired from crying 3 different times today that I might not need melatonin to sleep.