Lent 2020 – Day 23

I know this is a weird season for everyone. Honestly, I thought I got used to the weirdness. Until I had two different conversations with two different friends over the weekend. Both of them were about break-ups.

One of them messaged me out of the blue and asked to call, I had no excuse (even though I wanted to keep watching TV) and I literally felt God tell me to haul my ass out of the chair and wait on her to call me. We ended up calling for about 2 hours that night.

And the other was me randomly thinking of my friend who’s stranded in another country that’s not his home country and asking if he’s alright, so I reached out to recommend another food place in that city and to check in with him. That friend shared a short statement of a recent break-up. I felt like it wasn’t the time and place to push further, so I just reminded the friend that I’m there for them and that no one should stay alone for too long (alone time is good otherwise).

With my own personal stuff, and these two friends’ personal stuff, along with my other friends’ personal stuff, with the backdrop of COVID-19 and a recession – I cannot help but wonder for me and many other twentysomethings going through this season: God, what kind of sadistic phase of life are we currently in?

I would love it if God told me who I’m supposed to marry, where I’m supposed to go next, what I’m supposed to do etc. But God’s not that sadistic, nor is He a sadistic or masochist God.

He’s just the God with the full picture, who loves us so much that He knew if we knew the full picture, we would choose death.

If I knew 10 years ago the exact details of what I would have to go through so that I would be where I am and who I am now, I would not want to become me.

But I love me now, as flawed as I am, and I love every single experience I got to go through. Coming to that realisation today brings me the little comfort I need as I process the grief, pain and confusion of others I care about today.

Maybe what we long to know is not worth knowing. Maybe what we ought to remember is God chose life on behalf of us, and He sacrificed His own life so that we can keep living.

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