Lent 2020 – Day 30

For a long moment, I wondered what I was going to write tonight.

I read some Bible and some Christian books but nothing was really standing out. I didn’t really get to pray or meditate because I had to wrap up work, spent most of the day asleep nursing off headaches, and also accompany my dad in watching Suits (you can argue most of these are excuses, but I like having a life).

As I thought about my day and the fact that I couldn’t think of anything inspiring, I started to lament the problem with my day was that I spent most of it asleep. I woke up at 920AM for a 930AM call, accidentally deleted all my WeChat messages, listened to the call, texted some friends, and then took a 3 hour nap because headaches.

The worst part of my day was clearly the moment I deleted all my WeChat messages. It’s unrecoverable, and most of our work with my Beijing coworkers happens on that platform. But this was not my first rodeo losing all my data. Instead of freaking out and breaking down, which I have done before, I simply looked at my phone and thought ‘well this is the perfect time for a clean slate as I go into my month off work’.

When that happened, I marveled at how much I grew from when I used to get so STRESSED about losing data, to this moment of simply letting go, finding the good and moving on.

While I lamented to God the problem of spending most of my day asleep, because when nothing happens, nothing is inspiration, my brain made the uncanny connection that: sleeping is when growth happens the most.

I watched Netflix’ ‘Babies’ which documents the latest discoveries about babies (highly recommend this docu-series). And the researchers showed that babies experience the largest amount of growth when they sleep the most. They also showed that during this season of a lot of sleep, when babies are awake, they’re in discomfort from all the growing that they’re experiencing.

Even though I spent most of the day on much-needed sleep, today I grew. Maybe not vertically.

And maybe this upcoming month off is a season where I need to sleep, to rest, in this case physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. My reactions in handling data loss stress didn’t happen overnight. My health won’t get better overnight, especially if the roots of my problems are chronic.

In our moments of quietness, stillness, helplessness, unawareness yet 100% present – in our sleep, God’s at work, growing us, letting His course of nature and time do what He created them to do.

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